My (Romance) Novel.

His name was Sutton. He was tall, dark, and handsome. Even his name was intriguing. He was fit. Sweet. Rock hard abs. Always smiling; always there for me. He was everything and anything I ever wanted.

And he truly was, until the next Christmas, when I got another Barbie doll that took his place.

Now that I've got your attention...

See, growing up, I loved playing Barbie dolls. I've always been creative and I've always loved to author stories. Barbies were actors in my play; characters in my movies with whatever plot I wanted. And that's what they were created to be. No matter who or what I chose to make Sutton, he was always smiling. However, we as people? We were created a little bit differently.

I once heard this story, and it goes a little like this:

Now this a story all about how my life got flipped- turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there....

Just kidding. This is actually the story of a man named Jonah that I read in this really cool book I was reading the other day...

1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”

3 But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord. (Jonah 1:1-3)

HA. Poor Jonah. Did he really think he could run from the Lord? God had called Him! God wanted to use him as a LEADER to bring people to their Father! But Jonah was SCARED. So Jonah got on a ship and tried to run from God and God's plan for Jonah's life. -Pause-

August 11th, 2014 (exactly 5 months ago today) was a big day for me. It was the day I began my adult life in San Antonio, Texas. I packed up my things and embarked on the journey. I got 2 jobs and was attending school about 30 hours a week, give or take. I was eating healthy, working out at 5am every morning, waking up an hour before then to have my scheduled Jesus time, studying till about 1am every night, and running out of juice. I started a Bible study in San Antonio at my apartment, and was trying to keep myself full of godly wisdom for that. I decided that I was going to be unstoppable. I wanted to succeed at every aspect and have everything work out to my advantage and I wanted it RIGHT THEN. I wanted to make it, to be successful; but I didn't want to wait. I wanted to be like successful people I've seen in my life, "even if I died trying". I quickly ran out of "juice"- and everything started falling apart. I was tired.

I stepped down from leading the Bible study and I began to hide. My passions (fitness, cosmetology) became chores, and I found myself dependent on energy drinks and sugar highs just to get through the day. I was falling asleep in class, in church, during my Jesus time, I was even pulling off the road nearly every time I drove because I was too tired and needed sleep; and those were just the physical effects. Emotionally I was spent too. I began receiving harsh treatment from the majority of my classmates at school due to an incident I stood my ground on. I became weak, and instead of standing up for myself, I stepped back from everything and tried to blend in. I began living a complacent life. I focused on "making it". But God had so much more.

See, just like Jonah, God had called me to more. God didn't want me "making it" or "blending in". God has placed a call on my life to be a leader. I'm God's daughter, and His desire isn't for me to "make it" but to THRIVE, to enjoy the life He gave me. But I didn't value that. I had a plan of my own, and I was willing to do whatever it took to carry it out. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know the consequences.

Resume. So Jonah gets on this big boat right? And this huge storm comes. God causes this storm, because He's trying to get Jonah's attention (funny, I've had my fair share of storms lately too... conicidence? ;D).

To make a long(ish) story short, the people Jonah was with throw him over the boat, the storm stops, Jonah gets swallowed by a fish and in this fish, and he finally begins to focus on God. He cries out and praises God and surrenders His life to God once more. The fish spits Jonah out on land, God commands him once more to go to Ninevah, and this time Jonah obeys.

I used to think this story was just about obedience. But today, Jesus revealed something a little different to me. Jonah was running from his calling. Jonah was just like me. He had heard God's plan, but he had a plan of his own. Little did he know, he would never be satisfied. So a storm came, and in that storm, Jonah had time to focus on his relationship God. And he finally listened.

My most recent storm came when I lost my job. It was the final straw, but it was a blessing in disguise. In the time off, I was able to focus on God. I was able to take a step back and focus more on me and Jesus. I realized that I had been running from my calling of being a leader. By blending in, I had become a follower. I had stopped living radically. I thought that I could make it by being low-key and quiet, but that's not who God called me to be. He called me to be a leader. Leaders live loud- but not by their words; they live loud by example. By their lives. By the way they pursue God; by the way they surrender.

In order to be happy, I have to be authentic. And the way I am authentic is by being who God called me to be. God called me to lead people to Him. Whether its in my school, at my job, at the store, God as called me to live a joyous life and to be an example of his faithfulness, grace, and love. In fact, He's called all believers to that. I began to realize that I can't expect to be happy if I'm just "blending in". If I'm not pursuing everything God has for me and focusing on who HE wants me to be and what HE wants me to do, I'm like Jonah. I'm running from my calling. And just as Jonah learned, I've learned that that does NOT work.

We have to be willing to put ourselves out there, to stand out; to meet people and (go figure) LEAD people to Christ. We have to be willing to surrender wholeheartedly to God's plan for our lives; no matter where it takes us!

I wonder if there are others out there right now, who are also feeling tired, unsatisfied. And I wonder if maybe the reason they're not content is that they're not living loudly and passionately the way God has called them to live. Maybe that's you. Maybe you're being complacent, maybe you're only "getting by" in your relationship with God. Maybe it's as simple as you not being satisfied because you haven't brought anybody to Jesus or you're not living radically like you used to. All I know is, God called us to more. He always has more for us. He never wants us to just "get by". He wants us to thrive, to enjoy life, He wants to pour out His blessings on us and He WANTS to use us.  Not just for Himself, He wants to use us because that is the one thing that will satisfy us. It's what we were created to do. Just like I liked using my Barbies to write a story, God created all of us and put us on this Earth to bring joy to Him. And the way we do that is by letting Him use us. We weren't made to fit in. We were meant to stand out, to live radically; to be used by the very hands that created us. Nothing will ever satisfy us like He does.

I've stopped trying to find pleasure, happiness, romance. I've stopped pretending like I ever had any control over it and surrendered to the fact that I was made to bring God the glory He deserves. My challenge? Surrender. Stop trying to work things out on your own. Stop trying to "find" pleasure. Stop trying to write your story and let Jesus write your novel. Let Jesus direct your life. Let Jesus use you. Nothing else satisfies. And that's it.

The End.