I cant believe he did it. He didn't fight back. He could've saved himself.. But he didn't. He walked right into it. Knowing what the consequences were, he threw himself directly into the line of fire. And that was the end of it, right? There was no solution to death and no hope of normalcy again. A tragic ending to all who loved him; a beautiful life being beaten and broken until... there was no life left.
And here I stand, beautifully broken.
Nothing about being broken FEELS beautiful. It's not beautiful when you question your worth daily. It's not beautiful when your heart is racing with anxiety even when you're sitting still. It's not beautiful when you feel your defensiveness raise all the while knowing it's for no particular reason. Nothing feels beautiful about knowing if you were to be hugged tightly for long enough you would dissolve into a puddle of tears; fighting yourself not to push everyone who might care enough to do so away.
None do that is beautiful at all. But what's coming is.
Today is Good Friday. We celebrate the day that Jesus died on the cross. I can't imagine what the people around Him were thinking. The disciples, His family. There's no way they could understand what was happening. They saw Him do great miracles, and yet He walked into custody and took the rap for things He didn't do! Was it their fault? Was Jesus hurting more than they realized? They probably noticed He had been more tense leading up to that day... but could they have done something to prevent this? Should they have tried harder?! Could they have stopped their Lord from laying down His life?!
Did they know what they would have broken if they did?!
And then the next 3 days. It felt like a living hell. If you've ever lost someone you know how it feels. Your heart feels so heavy. Every memory and moment replays in your head. Breathing seems harder. Accomplishing anything feels pointless. And your mind doesn't stop taunting you with questions you will never be able to answer. Jesus' friends thought it was over. They didn't realize a breakthrough was coming.
Well, I've had those moments in my life. I've had those dark times where I've felt so broken. But those broken times didn't last forever. And Jesus' body was not broken forever. Maybe right now you feel broken.... But I'm writing this to offer you hope; the same hope Jesus has offered me in my broken moments. Just like those miserable 3 days for the disciples before Jesus rose... Maybe these are your 3 days. This season of your life might feel like hell; or maybe it feels worse. Maybe you have no hope and maybe you've given up; but this is NOT the end. There WILL be a resurrection. You WILL be restored. You will RISE from this - YOU WILL NOT STAY DOWN and YOU WILL NOT STAY BROKEN. Being broken will only continue as long as you keep your life in your own hands instead of putting it in Jesus'.
See, us being broken doesn't stop God from making us into His masterpiece. When a potter is making a vessel, and something goes wrong, he doesn't throw away the clay. He simply throws some water on the clay and continues to mold it- the clay never leaving his hands. God the Father doesn't throw you away when you're broken. He embraces you. You are never too broken; too marred - to stop being His masterpiece. You're never too broken to be beautiful - because you are in the Fathers hands! He is molding you into something beautiful. You are His masterpiece; and He will NEVER go of you!
If you feel broken, know that Jesus died for you! He was broken so you could be whole. Don't try to do this on your own. Your hands aren't strong enough to fix your life. Only God the Father can raise you up and only the Father can make you whole. Give Him your life; let Jesus make your brokenness beautiful!
"So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." - Jeremiah 18:3-4
"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10
"Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." - Isaiah 64:8
"But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed." - Isaiah 53:5
Friday, March 25, 2016
Monday, March 14, 2016
This Post is Not About You, But It Might Be For You...
Wednesday. I wake up at 3:30AM. Probably 3:35 because I usually sleep through my alarms and wake up on my backup alarm. I wish I could do my hair but it's still a little wet because I didn't get to shower till past midnight and rolled into bed shortly after. I throw on foundation to cover my skin (it's broken out from an allergic reaction and won't clear up because the stress I'm under) and quickly change into my work uniform. I pack my bag for the day: clothes for school, workout clothes, and glasses because my contacts never last as long as I do. I grab my lunchbox (with the meals I prepared 4 hours before) and head out the door.
By the time I get to work at Golds, my spirits are lifted. Worship does your soul so much good. It's 4:30A.M. and the gym opener arrives. I get inside, write up training programs, and then start training. As soon as I finish training, I rush downstairs, change into clothes for school and rush to school.
As soon as I get to school I clock in. 8:30A.M- 7PM. I need to graduate so I take a few 5 minute breaks throughout the day but never a lunch. I'll have 2-4 coffees but the caffeine doesn't effect me anymore. I service client after client, my passion for hair and beauty lost in my exhaustion. I feel unwelcome bitterness towards my role but never towards my customers. I ask Jesus to soften my heart but yet I know I won't allow Him to because if He did I might break.
I get out of school and drive straight back to work at Golds Gym. I service a couple more clients. I take pre-workout to give me energy and I kill my workout. I go home. If I had enough money to grocery shop the days before I cook food. If not I go to the grocery store and figure out what I can afford to eat for tomorrow. I get home, I cook, clean up, shower, and get ready to repeat it all tomorrow.
Who's making me to do this? Nobody. But I know what I need to do to make it, I know what I need to do to survive. And I know this is just a season in my life. But I've lost the fire behind it because I have no more fuel. I am burned out. I am exhausted and every day I am fighting to stay awake, to stay positive, to be a light.
Jesus never asked me to live like this. Jesus wants me free. Jesus wants me whole; rested; revived. But how can I do that when every time I'm in His presence I feel like I'm playing catch up; how can I do that when every time I'm with Him I fall asleep? It's hardly a relationship when I can't do my part, right?
WRONG.
That's not what this faith is about. That's not what this relationship is based on. If my relationship with Christ was based on my works then it wouldn't even exist in the first place. There's not enough money in the world to buy His love, not enough good works to merit His grace and mercy and not enough effort to earn His attention. BUT HE IS STILL THERE. FIERCELY, RELENTLESSLY pursuing me. Not giving up. Longing for me. Treasuring our moments. Crying when I cry. Loving me endlessly. Fighting on my behalf. Blessing me. Speaking to me RIGHT NOW even though I know I don't deserve the reassurance. Harnessing me in. Reminding me of the simple fact that when I feel too weak to hold on.. It's okay, because He's not going to let go.
Jesus will not let go of you because you feel like you aren't doing enough. He's with you; He's FOR you - because He died for you. And He would do it again. He doesn't chose when to love you because He always loves you. He sees your heart. That's what He's been reminding me today. Don't be discouraged. Jesus is still pursuing you. It doesn't matter what season you're in because He isn't asking you to carry the burden alone. He said "Come to ME all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) And He will give you the strength to come to Him!! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
So no matter what's going on in your life, KEEP GOING TO JESUS. If you can't RUN, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. If you fall, Jesus will strengthen you. You can keep going. Know He loves you. Know it isn't about what you give Him but what He gave you. He gave you hope, restoration, rest, peace; He gave you eternal life.
So with that being said, stop waiting. Lean on Jesus. Start living.
Xoxo,
Anna Quinn
By the time I get to work at Golds, my spirits are lifted. Worship does your soul so much good. It's 4:30A.M. and the gym opener arrives. I get inside, write up training programs, and then start training. As soon as I finish training, I rush downstairs, change into clothes for school and rush to school.
As soon as I get to school I clock in. 8:30A.M- 7PM. I need to graduate so I take a few 5 minute breaks throughout the day but never a lunch. I'll have 2-4 coffees but the caffeine doesn't effect me anymore. I service client after client, my passion for hair and beauty lost in my exhaustion. I feel unwelcome bitterness towards my role but never towards my customers. I ask Jesus to soften my heart but yet I know I won't allow Him to because if He did I might break.
I get out of school and drive straight back to work at Golds Gym. I service a couple more clients. I take pre-workout to give me energy and I kill my workout. I go home. If I had enough money to grocery shop the days before I cook food. If not I go to the grocery store and figure out what I can afford to eat for tomorrow. I get home, I cook, clean up, shower, and get ready to repeat it all tomorrow.
Who's making me to do this? Nobody. But I know what I need to do to make it, I know what I need to do to survive. And I know this is just a season in my life. But I've lost the fire behind it because I have no more fuel. I am burned out. I am exhausted and every day I am fighting to stay awake, to stay positive, to be a light.
Jesus never asked me to live like this. Jesus wants me free. Jesus wants me whole; rested; revived. But how can I do that when every time I'm in His presence I feel like I'm playing catch up; how can I do that when every time I'm with Him I fall asleep? It's hardly a relationship when I can't do my part, right?
WRONG.
That's not what this faith is about. That's not what this relationship is based on. If my relationship with Christ was based on my works then it wouldn't even exist in the first place. There's not enough money in the world to buy His love, not enough good works to merit His grace and mercy and not enough effort to earn His attention. BUT HE IS STILL THERE. FIERCELY, RELENTLESSLY pursuing me. Not giving up. Longing for me. Treasuring our moments. Crying when I cry. Loving me endlessly. Fighting on my behalf. Blessing me. Speaking to me RIGHT NOW even though I know I don't deserve the reassurance. Harnessing me in. Reminding me of the simple fact that when I feel too weak to hold on.. It's okay, because He's not going to let go.
Jesus will not let go of you because you feel like you aren't doing enough. He's with you; He's FOR you - because He died for you. And He would do it again. He doesn't chose when to love you because He always loves you. He sees your heart. That's what He's been reminding me today. Don't be discouraged. Jesus is still pursuing you. It doesn't matter what season you're in because He isn't asking you to carry the burden alone. He said "Come to ME all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) And He will give you the strength to come to Him!! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
So no matter what's going on in your life, KEEP GOING TO JESUS. If you can't RUN, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. If you fall, Jesus will strengthen you. You can keep going. Know He loves you. Know it isn't about what you give Him but what He gave you. He gave you hope, restoration, rest, peace; He gave you eternal life.
So with that being said, stop waiting. Lean on Jesus. Start living.
Xoxo,
Anna Quinn
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