I Wannabe a Wannabe.

I think I'll start this blog off by apologizing for the cheesy title. Is "wannabe" an actual word? I'm not sure but I'm probably going to use it a lot today so this is my official disclaimer: if grammar errors severely bother you than this would be your opportunity to stop reading...


I've struggled a lot with identity lately. I don't know who I am exactly, and I still haven't figured out my style. But you wanna know why? I struggle with this SO MUCH because I've grown up in a world that tries to put us into specific groups. If  you wear Ray Ban glasses, skinny jeans, scarves and denim jackets you’re a hipster. If you wear a flannel t-shirt tied around your waist and combat boots, you’re urban. If you wear a hat backwards and low jeans, you’re a thug (…well maybe that last one isn’t too off ;]) . But this world constantly tries to define us by our image, our style, and our peers. That’s not right!


So obviously I would have trouble if I'm seeking for my identity through this world. So what's the opposite of this world? Jesus. And that's where I'm seeking for my identity in now.
You see, this world constantly tells us that our image is defined by who we fit in with. But I challenge that. I'm telling you instead, your image is defined by who (and what) you stand against. I'm not attempting to fit in with any group anymore. My only goal is to be like Jesus. Ephesians 4:15 says "Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ."


We are to grow up to be like Jesus. Did you know that it is possible to be fully consumed with Jesus? We can be exactly like Jesus! That's why Jesus had to be born as a human. To show us that it IS possible to be like Him. So it's no longer me trying to fit into a mold, now it's me letting Jesus mold me into Him. And how do I do that? By reading the Bible. By pursuing Jesus. By pressing into His word. By learning little stories about Jesus. By examining his character and by asking Jesus to reveal Himself to me.

I've always been the one who's stressed out about "witnessing". As Christians, we're supposed to tell people who aren't saved about Jesus. But I'm changing that for myself. Instead of that, I'm just going to SHOW THEM. I'll still talk to people about Jesus, sure. But instead of putting the emphasis on that, I'm putting the emphasis on LOOKING like Jesus. Not just talking about Him. I want to influence people, but I don't want to influence them to be like me, I want to influence them to look like Jesus.

One of the most heartbreaking memories I have is with one of my friends. One night we were hanging out. We were sitting, eating, and he was high. And he started talking to me about smoking. He was just kind of rambling, but then he told me "I know people think getting high is so wrong. But I do it because when I'm messed up, I don't think about all the crap going on in my life. I'm just happy".

I paraphrased that a little due to his choice words. But that absolutely broke my heart. I wish he could see the purpose of his life. If he knew who he was, his gifts, his talents, and what he could accomplish, I don't believe he'd still be in that place. I don't believe he'd still be sitting at a table getting stoned out of his mind and searching for opportunities to forget his sucky home life, I believe he'd rise up and CHANGE THINGS. He'd break the mold, the family curse, and he would begin to see that his life has VALUE. And that's the cry of my heart. To help others see that they have value. But how on earth can I expect to do that if I can't see my own?!

So my latest challenge? I want to learn everything about Jesus. I want to want to be like Jesus. I want to never stop thinking "WWJD", because I want my life to reflect Jesus. My VALUE was determined the day Jesus laid His life down on the cross. But my identity will be found in Jesus. And I won't stop searching until He is completely fulfilled in me. When my life reflects Jesus', maybe I won't be so concerned with what I look like, but instead who I look like.

So now? The cry of my heart? You guessed it, the title of this blog- I wannabe a wannabe. I want-to want-to be like JESUS.